I come from a very emotionally volatile family. Not a bad family necessarily. We’re just very passionate. Since I have been a small child I can remember all of the fighting like cats and dogs but in the end we’re also just as much of a forgiving family as we are other things. I am not condoning arguing and bickering and what not. I just think that it’s important to be able to overcome things like that and like I said I am by no means excusing a bad attitude and the whole point of this blog is to discuss some of the aspects of bad attitudes.
Recently I was with some family members and we were all just hanging out talking and the kids were running around playing. One of the children was bickering with another one and they called the other one “stupid”. Now I didn’t raise my voice and scold the kid. I just calmly stopped her and said “If you love someone you don’t try to hurt them when you’re unhappy with them.” I approached the situation like this because I know my family well. We have a history of responding to anger with anger or some other type negative attitude because we’re probably not actually interested in a mutual resolution. We are normally interested in total domination.
As I have gotten older I have tried to abandon this mentality and I would be lying if I said that I don’t sometimes just want to win an argument or whatever just for the sake of winning or pride, whatever. The fact of the matter is that it is still true that when you love someone and you’re upset with them you don’t try to hurt them by trying to damage their self worth. If you love someone you want them to feel worth a lot. Sometimes I don’t think we value others enough to have this frame of reference. I know that I need to work on it because it shouldn’t stop with just family members. This idea of caring for others enough that you aren’t interested in damaging them is an incredibly simple but noble attitude.
If you’re calling people names to try to hurt them just be honest with yourself and admit that you are a somewhat unloving person. Now, in my opinion there is a little shame to this but it makes it a lot easier to change if you can do it without scrutiny from other people. It just needs to be a conscious effort to have more patience and consider the feelings of others. There’s nothing weak about taking this position and in fact I think it takes more strength to be a loving and considerate person.