I have tried to write this blog several times already over the past month or so and any time I try to write it another idea will pop into my head and I feel it’s more timely to write about other things. But now it is time to dice up and cook up one of the ideas that has annoyed me over the years. This is the idea of “the one”.
The idea that I’m talking about is the idea that there is one person out there in the world that is the perfect romantic partner for you. It is the person that God has specially set aside for you. It is the commonly held idea of the person that is just perfect for you. And Ol’ uncle Matt has come to tell you wonderful people today that it is one of the stupidest ideas of all time. I don’t mean to offend you if you believe this because I know that it is a sincerely held belief by people who mean no harm. It is a deeply held belief by people who have been hurt or are eager to have a spouse, etc. etc.
First I would just like to say for the record that if you’re waiting for the perfect guy or girl you will be waiting quite a long time. Why? Because in all of my 32 years I have never met a perfect person. The perfect person just doesn’t exist. It’s like trying to find a unicorn, or the hunt for Red October…..Okay or maybe just like finding a unicorn. I’m pretty sure they found the Red October but it took a communist defection for that to happen. But other than hoping that your future spouse comes from like North Korea or whatever, maybe you should give up the idea.
I think the main thing that bothers me about the idea of “the one” is that I have always felt that it means that one person is better than another. And perhaps one person might be better for you than another, but that’s not the way it ever comes off in conversation. What I mean is that when I read or hear about people who are waiting for “the one” it is almost always coming from a place of bitterness. Even if the person saying or writing these things doesn’t realize it. I’ll give you an example: When a person is talking about how high their standards are and how many times it never worked out. Now they are just waiting on “the one” that God has for them. This to me is a slight against everyone else. Because when I hear this, what I’m hearing is “You’re not good enough. They’re worth more than you”. Now I know that might be coming from my own issues, but you have to admit that this is something that can be insinuated when a person says that God made one person for them. But that’s not the only reason I dislike hearing people say it.
First off you are sinning by objectifying people like they will belong to you when in all reality they will never belong to you. In your association with them there is exclusivity, but don’t mistake exclusivity for ownership. I think that’s a mistake that a lot of people make. You don’t own the person. You might want to own them or have “mutual ownership” (which makes no sense to me because nothing in life is static so there will always be someone that has more or less love and more or less control). You don’t own the mental and emotional part of them that makes them unique. How do I know that? Because when you die they aren’t obligated to be with you, more over I don’t think that they are able to be bound to you in the afterlife. Like Jesus said, “None will marry, and none will be given to marriage. They will be like the angels in Heaven.” This tells me that the most important part of a person doesn’t belong to people, it belongs to God. That emotional, mental and spiritual aspect of a person that makes you love them isn’t for you to have. I know that sounds a little harsh so let me offset it by telling you some more things you don’t want to hear.
If you aren’t the type of person that has bitterness and using pride and arrogance to fuel you idea of “the one” then it’s most likely because you have been hurt. The idea of the one is a coping mechanism for you. You do it to give you hope. And I need you to hear my heart right now because you’re probably making up a lot of excuses in your head as you read this so that you can try to discredit it in your own mind. But the truth of the matter is that the reason why you have this ideal about the one is because you’re not close enough to God. I’m not judging you because I know that I have my own issues that distance me from God. But you need to understand that this idea is not a result of wanting a husband or wife. This idea about the one is an idol. It’s idolatry. Please don’t conflate two issues. Marriage is good, but this idea of the one is the elevation of man (or woman for that matter) into places they aren’t supposed to be elevated to. Anyway, I need to go before another good idea pops into my head.