I learned some very valuable things today. I got the opportunity to spend some time with my only son today. It was a day that his Head Start preschool put on a county-wide celebration for all of the kids to play games, play in the bouncy houses, have fun with each other and have lunch. It was packed with children and parents and was a really great time.
Aaron and I got to play Frisbee, do a “cake walk” (unsuccessfully I might add), play games, get some sunglasses and do a lot of awesome things. I was able to get Aaron in the zone and he just thought he was as cool as the Fonz.
I too got in on the action by jumping into a picture of Aaron and Ronald Mcdonald.
It was an absolutely gorgeous morning aside from the fact that I had to put on a sweater to keep from getting too chilly. But we had a really great time for a dad and his boy to spend some time together and learn some things about each other. For example, I learned that Aaron doesn’t really understand the concept of knock, knock jokes. He would say knock, knock and I would reply who’s there? And he would say something that you absolutely couldn’t play off of the word “who” and would laugh like crazy.
After Double A would make one of his crazy knock knock jokes he would stop and ask me; “Am I hilarious Dad?” I told him that he’s the funniest guy I know and he would give me a big grin go on to his next knock, knock joke. Trust and believe me when I say he’s got a million of them. Because if his eyes can see it, it becomes part of his joke.
After we got home, I sat down here in my computer chair and made myself comfortable. Aaron turned on a fan and then walked up to me and put his little hand on my arm and said “Dad, when you’re angry at me do you still love me?” That hit me suddenly and unexpectedly because I have never considered that once in his little life that he wasn’t always sure that daddy loved him.
I never considered that, just like the knock, knock joke Aaron wasn’t able to always connect events together in his head in a way that made sense. He just knew what he saw daddy do. When he made a knock knock joke and daddy laughed it was funny. To him it didn’t matter what he said, he just knew that daddy laughed and told him that he was a funny guy. And just like when daddy’s mad at him about something, all he could see was that daddy was angry. So in his mind he thought there were times that daddy might not love him.
But because my boy loves me so much, and because he wants me to love him so much he was compelled, out of the blue, to ask me just so that his mind could possibly be at ease. He, like many of us, want and need to know if we’re loved. The way my boy felt, is the same way I felt this morning after driving the kids to school, staring a beautiful blue Ohio sky. Does God still love me even when he’s angry with me?
The voices in my head tried to fill me with fear and despair. They told me that it could be too late for me. But my mind had to be put at ease. So I looked up at that bright blue sky and I said “Thank you God for giving me another beautiful day in this world”. It was a statement, but in my heart it was a question because I was throwing it out there to see how the inner man would respond, and would God speak back to me. It’s like being in a relationship with someone and you are wondering if they’re going to speak to you so you say something, anything, hoping that they will say anything back to you so that you can get some kind of status of how things are between you.
When my son asked me that question I almost cried because I don’t think he thought this thought on his own. I feel like God was prompting him to ask me so that I could give him the answer that God wanted to give to me.
So, I picked my boy up and I sat him on my lap. Then I picked him up almost like I would my 5 month old daughter and laid him back so he could look into my eyes. I said “Daddy loves you all the time, even when he’s mad at you. And usually when dad is mad at you it’s because he loves you knows and sees things that you don’t know and understand. Your daddy wants what’s best for you and I want you to know that Daddy loves you no matter what, and there’s nothing in this world that can ever make your daddy stop loving you.” He smiled at me and said “Okay.” as he hopped down to the floor and went to play a couple of video games.
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