Tag Archives: coping

Ironic Thought of the Day

There is a story that I have heard many times in my life from many places about some things that are supposed to happen one day after you’ve died.  The story isn’t always the exact same but it generally goes something like this….When you’ve died and you go to heaven before you’re let in Jesus is going to replay every moment of your life.  And you will be incredibly ashamed of the things you’ve done when you thought nobody was watching.  The moral of this story is that you weren’t supposed to do things that were sinful because you will be exposed one day.

I haven’t thought about it until recently but it seems like kind of a ridiculous story.  I mean God goes through all of the trouble of taking the ultimate punishment for sin but then suddenly he has to shame us one last time before we go off into eternity?  That is frankly one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard and frankly I wish that when I heard this as a child that I had the mental foresight and analytic ability to tell the people who told me this little story that it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

Think about it for just a second.  The insinuation is that God is so vindictive and thin skinned that he can’t just let it ago and that once he poured out his wrath on Jesus on the cross to judge sin that it just wasn’t enough?  That says more about human beings than it does anything else.  Because people are so flawed and insecure that they can’t let things go and they can’t truly forgive.  God says that he forgets sin when we repent.  But we project our own precious qualities onto God sometimes.

Just a side note but I always pictured this little meeting happening in a white walled office.  The apostle Peter walks in and pops the story of my life vhs in the vcr while they give me nasty looks.  Hahahahahaha.  Oh Lord what a life I’ve led.

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The Confederate Flag

I am so very tired of hearing all of this politically correct talk about how southern states should not display the confederate flag because it is in poor taste and reminds people of the awfulness of slavery.  A lot of people are talking about southerners that proudly display the confederate flag saying that they are stupid, narrow minded bigots and say things like “southern whites have the shame of slavery running through their blood”.  They talk about how southern whites who display the flag are offensive and that the people should not have the state government display the flag above the state house because it’s so offensive.

To those people I would like to ask when the last time they, their parents, grand parents or great grandparents had to pick cotton against their will?  I have always been under the impression that slavery ended in the mid 1860’s.  I’m not going to get into liberal ideas such as institutional racism which can basically mean anything you want it to so long as it ends with white people being racist and owing blacks money and other perks as a result of their suffering.  That’s the ultimate end to those things anyway; what can you get from someone else without having to do anything for it.

Sometimes I think that people just want to be involved in something revolutionary for the sake of being revolutionary.  I feel pretty confident that if you look at the Facebook pages of the people that are so passionate about this issue with the flag that you will find that they were passionate about every major newsworthy event that has happened over the last few years.  Gays not getting pizza in Indiana?  Yep, outraged.  Pot being legalized in various states?  Yep, overjoyed cheering “we shall overcome”.  Illegal immigrants pouring across the border and being held in detention centers awaiting Obama’s next words on amnesty.  Dismayed and cursing the black heart of Americans.

I was always taught that being offended is the problem of the person who is offended.  I am progressively trying to learn how to not be offended.  I would recommend this for everyone else in the world as well.  Because honestly the confederate flag doesn’t mean white supremacy to most people that have it.  It’s a symbol of independence and southern heritage.  Get over it.  Stop being a weak minded pussy.  You should be more like me.  I started learning how to cope with things that bothered me when I became Cincinnati Bengals fan.  If I can get through that then I can get through anything.

Another thing I want to say is that it’s not fair for people to disparage southerners over slavery.  At the height of slavery only 6% of southern whites owned slaves.  That’s at the HEIGHT of slavery.  That means 94% of southerners had to pick their own damned cotton.  We won’t even talk about the 20% of freed blacks that owned slaves.  That stuff kills a narrative.

I think slavery is awful.  I think white supremacy is awful.  And I think bullying people with political correctness is awful.  I’m not afraid of what people think of me.  So that’s why I am just going to level with you.  This whole narrative about the confederate flag is nonsensical.  If you’re that sensitive then you probably have a lot more problems than a flag.

Demons? Aliens? Something else? My Experience With Sleep Paralysis.

This isn’t a normal blog for me.  This is a crazy out of this world blog that is full of what sounds like insanity, but it is insanity as I experience it.  So please keep that in mind if you continue to read.

Since I was a teenager I have dealt with a phenomenon commonly known as “Sleep Paralysis”.  Now if you don’t know what that it is please feel free to google it because there is an incredible amount of information on the subject but I will put it to you like this;  It is a terrifying experience.  You wake up in the middle of the night unable to move your body, talk, breathe and in cases like mine, open your eyes.  It feels like there is someone or something on top of you choking you.  Some people who’s eyes are open see a dark shadowy figure standing over top of them.  It is, in the moment, a very traumatizing experience.

The good news……I’m still trying to figure out what the good news is, but if it’s happened to you I want you to know that you’re not alone.  It does us good to know that there are others like us.  People might think we’re crazy and maybe we are, or at least I am, but it’s important to be able to talk about what we experience regardless of whether or not what we think is happening is really happening.  And also I have a few theories about this phenomenon that might bring you some bit of comfort.

Before I get into my theories let me just explain what happens when I have one of these episodes happen to me.  Almost every time that I can remember when this happens to me it is almost exclusively when I am having a nightmare.  In my dream I can always tell it is about to happen.  Let me give you an example that happened to me about 2 or 3 weeks ago….

I was dreaming that I was at my deceased grandparents house.  It is a house out in the rural areas of southern Ohio next to, what I was told when I was a child, was the second highest point in Ohio.  Their house sat on a hill, about halfway up the hill as a matter of fact.  About 50 yards above the house is a thick forest which then extends up about another 100 to 150 yards to the top.  It’s a very old house.  The house is so old that there is a hidden room that was used to store food, hearkening back to the days of the great depression when you had to actually hide food because there were people wanting to steal it.

Anyway, I was standing in the living room of this home.  There was a window at the north end of the living room and a window at the south end of the living room where the front door was also located to the right of the window.  In my dream it was dark, perhaps 2 or 3 in the morning.  I remember seeing my father lying on the old plaid foam chair that folded out into a bed.  I was standing looking at dad and I walked over to the corner of the room next to the front door which was diagonal to the my grandpa’s bedroom door.  Dad was asleep but I looked over at him and I said “They’re here and they want to come inside.”  It was then that suddenly I felt something grab me in my dream.  It grabbed me by the throat and lifted me off the ground, even though I could see nothing in the room with me in my dream.  I immediately woke up and I was blacking out.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had this feeling before, but there have been times that I have been awake and in totally unrelated incidents started to black out.  The peripherals of my vision start to go black and work their way to the center of my vision.  Well even though my bedroom was pitch dark, the feeling of blacking out was the same.  I woke up, with my eyes closed and knew that I was blacking out.  It felt like I was being killed.  I couldn’t speak.  The words gurgled in the base of my throat.  With one final “quietus” move I lunged myself straight up in bed.  I had awoken to gasp for air.  I was alive.

In every situation that I can remember I always know that they are there in my dreams.  I know that the dark figures that people see when they lie there paralyzed are there.  I can sense them even while I’m in a dream state.  I remember the first incidence I had when I was a young man.  I read a book called “Identifying and Breaking Curses” by John C. Eckhardt.  After I finished reading the book I went to bed.  I won’t get into the details of the dream I had sufficed to say that the dream ran completely contrary to what I wanted to be freed from.  When I awoke, face down in my pillow, something was on top of me.  I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, I fell back asleep.  I had 7 dreams afterward.  Each dream perverted and awful.

I always wake up.  Unable to talk, breathe, open my eyes or move….at least for a few seconds.  Until I make a frantic move forcing myself with every bit of strength I have.   It has happened more frequently as I’ve gotten older.

Now I want to give you my theory on what is happening.  I don’t think this is aliens or ghosts.  I have trouble believing in ghosts even though I will leave the door more open to that being true than whether or not an “alien” (in the sense that we understand them) could be responsible for this, even though I believe that is what the culprit of this event would want me to believe.  I personally believe this is a demonic attack.

Now there is something worth noting when it comes to these incidents.  The have happened to me exclusively at night.  I have napped thousands of times during the day during my life and this never happens during the day time.  Why?  Because I believe that it is tactical.  I have watched many movies about war and my father has told me many stories about his experiences in the Vietnam war.  A tactic of the  North Vietnamese was to attack at night.  They did this because they knew this was the weakest time for the American soldiers.  In the same way, my enemy knows that humans are most vulnerable when they sleep.

So what does this tell me?  This tells me that our enemy is at a disadvantage.  An army that is powerful doesn’t need to wait until the moment of greatest weakness to attack.  When an army is at a strategic disadvantage they are forced to use gorilla tactics at the time of greatest weakness to hope to secure victory.  Even though this is a shrewd strategy it tells you something about the capacity of your enemy.  It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be on your guard, but it should give you some encouragement to know that you are powerful enough to require this strategy .

Another thing that occurred to me is that this probably actually happens to almost everyone and not just a small percentage as some studies indicate.  People who have conducted studies on such matters believe that only about 8% of the population has these types of experiences.  But I believe that this isn’t actually limited to these people.  I believe that everyone is being attacked by these things but what happens is that you simply don’t wake up.  You keep having your nightmare until it is finished where as people who experience sleep paralysis wake up.  But why would they wake up?

This is total speculation on my part but I believe it has something to do with a heightened sense of reality.  This is going to sound insane, and I understand if you think it is, but I would be willing to bet a few dollars that if you polled people who suffered from sleep paralysis that a huge portion of them do not black out when they consume large amounts of alcohol.  The reason why I believe this is because I have, on a regular basis, consumed amounts of alcohol that people thought was just incredible.  And while I have gotten really drunk and woke up with terrible hangovers, I never black out.  I never forget anything.  I am able to recall events, 15, 20 shots into the night with ease.  I’m not proud of this but I believe that a person who’s brain is able to have a heightened sense of reality just has a hard time not being aware of things.

In my dreams I can feel their presence.  It doesn’t happen all the time, but I am aware of it, and in my heightened state of awareness I wake myself up.  I think that these things are tormenting almost everyone but they are unable to wake up or aren’t aware of it happening.  But there is hope and let me get to this.

I have had experience, and I have read that there is something that works for others to chase these things off.  That thing is Jesus.  I know this might sound crazy to some people, and believe me I am not upset that you think I’m nuts because I know how out there it sounds.  But I have cried out the name of Jesus in my dreams and wake up and it breaks the hold on me.  I have read the same thing for others, that when they wake up in this state and they see the shadow creatures that they say the name of Jesus in their head that the hold is broken and the shadows go away.

Anyway, I hope that this insane blog has helped someone out.  I really put myself out there by writing this because it can cost me credibility.  But if I can help anyone with my experience it is worth it.  If you need anymore information google “sleep paralysis” and you will find other experience that are similar to my own and maybe you can learn something from it.  Just have confidence in God and yourself and you can get past these attacks from our enemy.